Silly Section

 

 

1. I know it's two wheels not four, but click on these links and then click new window for some superb footage from Danny MacAskill:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o and

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShbC5yVqOdI

 

2. "Networking" always seems a bit ugh, much prefer "mingling": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXjRNltyeOo

 

3. .....or try extreme Japanese Tabletennis: www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfdQY0A3n0o&feature=relate

 

4. A Shepherd's tale:-

A shepherd was looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt. The driver, a young man dressed in an Armani suit, Ray Bans, Tag Heuer watch, White Cerutti shoes, tailor-made mauve shirt, with a Boss tie. He gets out and asks the shepherd 'If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I keep one?'The shepherd looks at the large flock of sheep and says 'Okay'.

The young man connects his laptop to his mobile phone, connects to the web, scans the field using his GPS, opens the database linked to 60 Excel tables, filled with logarithms and monthly return tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He studies the reports and says to the shepherd 'You have 1586 sheep'. The shepherd replies, "That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock." The young man packs away his equipment, looks at the flock and puts one into the boot of the BMW.

As he is about to leave, the Shepherd says, "If I can guess what your profession is will you return the animal to me?'The young man thinks for a minute and says 'Okay'. The shepherd says 'You are a Financial Consultant'. The young man says' Correct, how did you know?' The Shepherd replied, 'Simple. First you came here without being invited. Second you charge me a fee for something I already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about my business. 'Now, can I have my dog back?'

5. What is 100% ?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those team talks or meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little maths that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%?

Well, if: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,
1. H A R D W O R K would be: 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
2. K N O W L E D G E would be: 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
3. But, A T T I T U D E is: 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
4. And, B U L L S H I T is: 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far this will take you.......

A S S K I S S I N G = 1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118% Think about it....... And have a nice day at work!!! 

 

6. This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US Navy vessel with Canadian Authorities off Newfoundland in October 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations....................

AMERICANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE CAPTAIN OF A US NAVY SHIP. I SAY AGAIN, DIVERT YOUR COURSE.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, divert your course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT�S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

7. When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the beer.........

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes".

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions - things that, if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."